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Where Did We Go Wrong - text

MORTICIA (Spoken):
She's perky
GOMEZ (Spoken):
She's bubbly
MORTICIA (Spoken):
She's optimistic
GOMEZ (Spoken):
Where did we go wrong?
MORTICIA:
We taught her to hunt
GOMEZ:
We taught her to aim
MORTICIA:
We gave her a bow
GOMEZ:
We gave her no shame
MORTICIA:
We gave what we had
GOMEZ:
Made sure she was bad
BOTH:
Did all that we could to keep her sad
GOMEZ:
We told her to stay away from modern jazz
MORTICIA:
We gaver her that week long trip to Alcatraz
GOMEZ:
We promised she'd be equipped
BOTH:
And filled her crypt with woe
What'd we know?
GOMEZ:
We took her to funerals in the morning mist
MORTICIA:
We took her to slaughter houses
GOMEZ:
Schindler's list
MORTICIA:
We taught her to scowl and sneer and domineer
GOMEZ:
On cue
BOTH:
What did we do?
Where did we go wrong?
GOMEZ (Spoken):
Are we good parents?
BOTH:
Where did we go wrong?
MORTICIA (Spoken):
Are we cliche?
BOTH:
Somewhere in between
Guilt and guillotine
We forgot to notice that our daughter lost her way
Where did we go wrong?
MORTICIA:
And can we fix this?
GOMEZ:
Maybe it's a passing phase
BOTH:
But if she's going wrong
Then what will change her ways?
GOMEZ (Spoken):
That's it! We'll cancel this dinner
MORTICIA (Spoken):
We'll circle the wagon
GOMEZ (Spoken):
And give these "goody-licious" Beinekes the boot!
MORTICIA:
We must intervene
GOMEZ:
We shouldn't delay
MORTICIA:
She's barely eighteen
GOMEZ:
So what do we say?
MORTICIA:
We know the occult
GOMEZ:
That's certainly true
MORTICIA:
We're to consult
GOMEZ:
Morticia, with you
MORTICIA:
So why all the fuss?
GOMEZ:
My darling, discuss
MORTICIA:
She needs only us
GOMEZ:
It's us, only us
MORTICIA:
We've always been there for her
To swear for her
GOMEZ:
Discourage dental care for her
BOTH:
Do well for her
Excel for her
Make home a living hell for her
So where did we go wrong
Is not the question
Resolute and strong
Is our next move
GOMEZ:
We'll tell her today
MORTICIA:
Do what we say
BOTH:
Send all the Beinekes back to the fray
Turn them away at first sight
And that's where we'll go right?
BOTH (Spoken): No dinner tonight!

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