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When I am up the mountain
Looking down and back on this last fiasco I will wonder when exactly it happened
When precisely I should’ve known I could not rely on you
Should never haven’t trusted your cupped palm with a jittery and injured humming-bird of my heart
Not actively seeking purchase or sanctuary
instead solitary and healing inside the flash aviary of mean
where you urgent reassurance felt like the softest nest on earth
Felt like it was worth the risk
You held your hand up and she lacked and landed
Now she is starving, shivering in your back-pocket where you shoved her
crumbled under a flier for an event you’ve never planned on attending and
I wanna take her back under my wing
Place her in the rightful cage of my ribs
Where I can protect her
When I look back
I will pinpoint the singular moment I should’ve known to run
Backwards and away left arm folded across the heaving of my breathing
When was that you proved yourself to be certifiably unworthy
I should know better than to vent to you
who plurified my significance
I wanted to believe that you loved me essentially so badly that I would wit-stand all science to the contrary
Tables turning so fast I get diseased just listening to your rhetoric and resistance to my intuition
I know not to ever trust man with agendas
No matter how flattering the packaging
Wrapped in angel light
My flattering heart
Susceptible to your cooing calls
No matter you can’t handle me
No matter I can’t expect your answer
No matter I rest assure you will disappoint like resurrection sugar only hollow dissatisfaction and when I act down
Bowing my contractual so down and out of the chorus of voices clamoring for your attention it will be nearly imperceptible
And practice of the art of not Mannering
One day I will bend time and space like rice paper
origami out the notch on the time-line where I should’ve watch for a stop signs
But not today

Today I will rest inside the fatigue and shame of offering up TOO much to someone undeserving and afraid
I should’ve known
Will wait
Wait for my heart to rediscover the scent of my fingerprints and follow it
When I catch wind of her beating wings
I will spirit her back inside of me

Text přidala Maukumshra

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