I’m gonna chisel away at this rock until I get the shape that I want and then I’m gonna continue to chisel it, because that’s what I do when I find myself in a new relationship. Because I remember when this started out as mud mixed with water that turned to clay and I would watch it break and break and look more like the image that I wanted to make. And it’s pathetic I know, but it’s all anyone ever gave. ‘Cause I was born a virgin covered in blood and free of sin, and that’s the exact shape I wanna make when I jump off this bridge. I’m tired of trying to be something that I can’t be, and I’m tired of fighting for something that I can’t see. I’m finding new life in every regret and finding regrets in everything I forget and the second I’m at peace I’m thrown off by my need to make everything complete, ‘cause I’m a sucker for the rule of threes. You hurt me and I hurt you. But when I hurt you, something needed to happen to give me some sort of closure. And I’m sorry for my poor posture. I just can’t stand up straight and take this like a man today, I’m too broken. And there’s so many things I wanna say, If only you will listen. And I’ll put my fingers in the door, so when I close it on you, I’ll hurt a little bit too. Because the only reason I held onto you was because I felt I had nothing left and the deeper I carve into this rock I realize it’s not gonna fit into the shape that I want, so I quit.
Because I’ve always been afraid to fall in love because there’s something about falling, that just doesn’t sound worth it. And I said it before and I’ll say it again, “It was problematic at best, because you beckoned me and you lessened me, And no other love would accommodate my blindfold so easily.” But now I can see.
God, I gave you all of my love, but I can’t see past this hurt. God, I gave you all of my love, so now what do I give to her? I’m terrified, but I’ve never felt so alive.