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Naked Man Skit (Roy Wood Jr) - text

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[phone rings]
(Hello?) Yeah yeah good mornin (good mornin)
This here is Leo Devlin
I'm callin on the behalf of Sackerson Corporation
We run the corporate complaints for the, Allegasco
down there in Alabama, you're an Allegasco employee correct?
(Right) Yessur, well I'm tryin to call to follow up wit'cha
on the incident that occurred, when you (maaaaaan)
(FUCK, YOU and that motherfucker what told you that!)
What you said?
{"The person you called is no longer on the l..."}
(Uh-huh, whatever) What I'm callin to offer you
(MAN I DON'T GET, ay let me tell you one thang)
(I don't care what'chu wanna)
(Okay, ask me what what'chu wanna know) Thank you! Now
the complaint form I have here says that
we have received reports that you had gotten into
an altercation with a naked customer
whom's gas you was tryin to cut off a couple of months ago
Now well in exchange for savin yo' job
we're willin to offer you (that must been YO' punk ass)
(who gas I was cuttin off and YOU was naked!)
I would never strip (That's what you tryin to do?)
(Ain't you, ain't you one of them uhh, what'cha call 'em?)
(What'cha call them thangs ahh? You a BE-ITCH!)
A what? (A BE-ITCH!) A be-itch? (Yeah)
Ay ay why would you say something like that suh?
(The same reason you would call and ask me)
(some stupid-ass shit like that, sir!) Look, look
All I did was ask you whether or not
you got into a fight with a naked man, now is that true or not?
(And ah, dat musta been you I got into a fight with!)
I wouldn't fight yo' ass naked (You was that BITCH I dealt with)
(with a G-string and a halter top on one!)
I'm tryin to get you, I'm tryin to save yo' job
(Motherfucker you cain't save SHIT for me!)
I'm tryin to save yo' job, and you wanna
That's the problem with black folks (maaaaaaaaan, FUCK YOU)
That's the problem, that's the problem (that's the problem!)
Hold on! (Niggaz like you)
Boy I'll come to Birmingham and whup that ass two times
Scabba, scabba (Bitch you come to Birmingham)
(make me get a CASE for yo' motherfuckin ass!)
You already, well you 'bout to get one now from this naked nigga
who you got into a fight with! Nigga you probably wouldn't be
actin like this if you knew who your real daddy was
Is that the problem? (I'm yo' motherfuckin daddy hell!)
I woulda been your daddy
but I only have to be with your momma on Mondays and Thursdays and
(Man let me tell you one thang, you wastin my motherfuckin minutes)
(I ain't got time to talk to you)
You probably ain't got but fo' minutes left on your daytime minutes
(Where I'm at now probably ain't got but two times yo' bitch ass!)
[hangs up the phone]

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