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Loos Of England - text

Of all the works of Englishmen Deserving fame and glory
Of mighty deeds and triumphs bold In his renowned history
The one that’s sung and praised the least Must be the lavatory
Long live the loos of England !

His firm support in hour of need A shrine for meditation
A haven from the busy world A fond of inspiration
The glory of the plumber’s art Triumph of sanitation
Long live the loos of England !

The French who have no shame at all Have built them on the street
And though they may be picturesque It’s hard to be discreet
You stand right in the boulevard A chill wind round your feet
Long live the loos of England !

The US put them up in space Before the other nations
They even paint them black & white To help their race relations
But it’s taboo to call them loos They call them "comfort stations"
Long live the loos of England !

In Greece it’s rare to find 'em there Even in the twentieth century
And if you do you’ll finally see A little elementary
And in the blazing mid-day heat They’re not exactly sanitary
Long live the loos of England !

In Russia they’ve been nationalized And if you pay your rouble
There’ll be a guard and watch-dog too To keep you out of trouble
And make quite sure you don’t inscribe Some capitalist doodle
Long live the loos of England !

Australia’s big and in the bush You’ve loads of space to choose
If you avoid the prickly pear You’ve little else to lose
But mind you keep one jump ahead Of those damned kangaroos
Long live the loos of England !

So in this world there is one jam That we must hold most dear
And though they ring the changes One thing must not disappear
And if they ask who sang this song Tell them “Kilroy was here, mate”
Long live the loos of England !
Long live the loos of England !

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