I am Rattus Norvegicus.
I’m sitting in some shit-hole rat’s nest and I’m a little angry.
I wanted to be a talk show host-not a rat.
You men think you have it bad with women?
I’ve got it a lot worse let me tell you.
What am I gonna say to some nice looking girl who I want to meet?
I can tread water for over 36 hours?
I can chew through lead pipes and cinderblocks?
I can run on telephone wires?!
And what if I do get the girl home?
Can’t fit her though the door-it’s too small.
Yeah I got a lot of girls.
How’d you like to have a tail that went through your body to drag around all the time?-
Not my idea of fun by a long shot!
And do you see the neighborhoods that I’m forced to live in?
Those people live like pigs!
Can’t catch the subway-they haven’t built it yet.
Can’t catch the up-town bus I can’t reach the step-up.
Wants to kill me,
Feed me drugs and poison,
Put electrodes in my head and make me run on treadmills
Dissect, bisect, and defect me.
Biome, blind, mane and tame me.
Are you folks crazy?!
You never invite me to your parties as if I would really wanna go anyhow.
Have you ever asked me to go to a movie?
How ‘bout bowling?
You ever seen a rat cry?
I got tears.
And I have a heart-and I got brains.
If you could just see past the fur,
I think that you would see
That I’m a lot like you.
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